tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
