Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
