Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
