I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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