1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
