Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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