The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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