Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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