you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
