I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
