i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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