No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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