no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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