I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
