don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
