why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
