we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
