I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
