this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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