I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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