So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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