I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
