when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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