woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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