What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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