He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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