She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
