My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
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