i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
