are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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