he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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