It's just like the Real World with babies
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
