he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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