Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize