i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
