you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
