Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
