I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
