I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
