Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
