I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
