There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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