I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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