Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Mom said you looked used
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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