I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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