its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
