For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
