Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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