I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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