his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
