Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
