He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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